There was a time when I thought that August 15, 1990 was the last happy day of my life, thank goodness that idea was short lived. Instead I came to realize that that day was the last day of a part of my innocence; because it was on August 16, 1990 we found out that our 3 year old daughter Ashleigh had a brain tumor. On August 16th my eyes were opened to some of the realities of life; one of them being, things like this don't just happen to other people; they can and do happen to me. I am other people. I still remember months later as we knew Ashleigh's life with us was coming to a close, our Bishop came to visit one evening and to offer words of comfort. I remember holding my daughter and looking into his eyes and saying..."I know all that you are telling me is true... but I need to know how I'm going to make it through the next 50 years." Well, I've made it through nearly 17 of those 50 years. How I've done it? First and foremost my testimony in the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the same teachings my Bishop tried to comfort me with. And next, just day to day living, putting one foot in front of the other. Things happen on a daily basis that keep the course of our lives moving and changing, it is unpredictable. And last, I can testify that time is a great healer. I think of Ashleigh every day. She is a light for our family. She has parents, 3 older brothers, and a younger sister who love her. That same younger sister who is a gift from Heavenly Father, to us. She has sisters-in-law and nephews who have never met her, but love her. I know someday we will have a joyous reunion that I can't even comprehend; but in the meantime I am quite happy being on this side of the veil with the ones I love here. August 15th may have been the last day of a part of my innocence; but August 16th was the awakening of a new day as my lifes course was changed forever.
13 comments:
As always you, being you, amaze me. I am so glad you are my friend. What a beautiful and eloquent post. Love ya LOTS.
Just another reason why I admire and look up to my sister.
I started reading this at work and quickly decided it would not be in my best interest to be crying there. So, I waited until I'm home. Now I can cry.
Love ya! Mean it!
It is so bitter-sweet that in our hearts we hold certain dates close, even when much of the world just think it's another ordinary day. Aren't you glad you have eternity to look forward to Les? We love and remember Ashleigh in our home out here in Cal (even though sometimes I spell her name carelessly!) This is a beautiful post. Thank you, Les, for sharing this with us. It made me sad but in a hopeful,happy sort of way...
This post took me by surprise. I didn't see it yesterday. You are an "Elect Lady" I always tell you that and I mean it. This experience was NOT something you wanted but you DID it. and "Endured it well". God bless you and Mike and your family.
Love you
Les, I love you. I hope someday I can be like you. Thanks for this post and for putting up Ashleigh's beautiful picture. Thanks for being so open and honest and poignant about your life too.
But "Granpa" kept all these things, and pondered them in "his" heart. (Luke 2:19)
Love you.
I love this post. What a mirable it is that we know we will be together forever someday. That was always my favorite church video growing up because my mom lost three children before birth. I can't wait to meet my brothers and sisters. Congrats on the new call for your family! We are so excited!
Thank you. I desperately needed to hear this. She is beautiful and your reunion will be beautiful. Thank you, thank you. You've made it 17 years...I applaud you. It gives me hope that I can do it too.
What a beautiful little angel. I didn't have the pleasure to know her or you back then, but I am very grateful to call you friend today. You are a strong lady and I admire you very much. Thanks for sharing your testimony of faith with us.
Love you
Isn't is amazing that something so painful can cement such great things in our hearts. I am also amazed that Heavenly Father takes us by the hand and leads us to sweet memories and strengthens our testimonies. If I had to name a person that I think was going to make it to the Celestial kingdom it would be you! I hope to hold on to the back of your dress all the way there.
Love you
I am so amazed by you Les!! I remember so well your wonderful example of faith and strength you were to me during that time, and what a wonderful example you have been since. You are a classy lady!
Hi Lesley, It's your cousin Rita I just wanted to say that I think about you all the time and I miss everyone! I have started a blog myself and I have a website from my computer class at school I will e-mail both to you. I think about your daughter all the time because she would have been my daughter, Amanda's age (21 or so). I am glad you talk about it because it helps to remind all of us to be thankful for the time we have and to make that time a happy time. I haven't written very much on my blog yet but check it out and keep in touch. Love Rita
Thank you so much for commenting on my blog so I could come and learn of Ashleigh. Thank you for giving me hope that it is possible to live 17 years and be more than okay, to truly be happy. I have found so much more happiness in my life over the last 2 years, and know it will get better. There was a time that I never believed I would experience joy again and that I Was doomed to live a life of grief. I am at times jealous of those people who have lived out their life and are close to death knowing they have lost little ones. I am jealous that they will soon be greeted by those little ones. Until then, I am grateful I am still able to see the sunshine through the clouds and the rainbow after the rain. But it will be a beautiful day when we are reunited with our angels again. Much love.
I belong to an angel blog, if you are interested leave me your email address and I will connect you with the right person.
michelle.kra@gmail.com
james' mommy
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