There is hope smiling brightly before us...My parents have twenty-three grandchildren. Andy came first, then Jeffrey, and then Jeremy. All three mine. In October of 1985, two months after Jeremy's second birthday, Melissa was born to Tim and Margie; she was the first granddaughter. At the time of Melissa's birth Granma made a prediction that there would be three new grandchildren in the near future and she was right. Early in 1987 and within four months of each other arrived three new babies. Today's "Family Friday" features two of those babies; Christopher and Ashleigh.
Christopher was born on February 7, 1987. An unusual occurrence happened during his birth which was by Cesarean section; Christopher's forehead was cut with the Doctor's scalpel. I remember seeing him for the first time the following day, he was such a beautiful baby boy. There was a thin bandage around his head protecting his wound which had been carefully repaired; with his beautiful brown skin and an abundance of black hair, at first glance I thought he looked like a tiny papoose wearing his miniature headband. But he was Christopher; one of Heavenly Father's most valiant spirits.
Christopher knew and loved each of us in his family. I'm confident that that includes those family members that didn't have the privilege of meeting him here. He was an intelligent child with an enthusiasm for life. He loved his mommy and daddy and there was absolutely no question that they loved and adored him; and they still do.Mike reminded me of a "tender moment" he had when he saw Christopher and Marivic at Albertsons one day. Christopher's response when he saw his Uncle Mike at a place that wasn't where he would normally see him was, "is it you?" Yes it was, and Uncle Mike loves that memory that he has of Christopher. I had a similar experience about the same time. One day Alan brought Christopher over to be tended, I had gone on a quick errand and Alan left Christopher with my older boys. When I arrived home Christopher was standing at the top of the stairs and with a big smile proclaimed, "I'm here!" I couldn't help but share his enthusiasm as I exclaimed, "and I'm so happy that you are!"
Ashleigh was born on May 13, 1987, it was a beautiful spring day. Ashleigh was the perfect answer to a mother's prayer. She brought her daddy, her mommy, and her "boys" much love and joy. My joy was so full at having a daughter, that many of my tasks as the mother of a newborn seemed so much lighter. Even getting up at 2 am seemed easier. The boys were delighted to have a sister and they loved and served Ashleigh with all of their hearts. Ashleigh loved "my boys" as she called them, with all of her heart as well. Ashleigh too, was one of Heavenly Father's most valiant spirits.
Ashleigh loved her daddy. Occasionally on an evening, Michael would be lying on the floor watching TV and Ashleigh would sit on his back. There would be a big bowl of popcorn in front of Michael, and Ashleigh would lean over his shoulders to reach in for her share. Sometimes we played a little game that went like this: I would say to Ashleigh, "he's my Babycakes", and I would point to Mike. "No, he's my Babycakes", she would reply. We would go back and forth trying to decide whose "Babycakes" he was, Mike loved it! Sometimes I would start the game and sometimes Ashleigh would, and then there were the times that Ashleigh would say, "he's my Babycakes", and I would say, "you can have him."
Christopher and Ashleigh were playmates as well as cousins. I don't think it matters what age a child is... when you get more than one of them together they can come up with some clever ideas. Ashleigh's bedroom wall had a small hole in it, it was about the size of a door knob, actually the door knob caused the hole. One day I found Christopher and Ashleigh in her room, having a great time dropping toy blocks into the hole in the wall. Consequently, another hole had to be cut into the bottom of the wall to retrieve the blocks, and... a few other toys that we found in the process. Eventually both holes were repaired.Christopher was a smart little boy and he spoke very well. One day while he and Ashleigh were watching "Bambi" some butterflies appeared on the screen. Ashleigh pointed to them and referred to them as "fafa flies". Christopher looked so surprised and kindly informed her that they weren't "fafa flies, they are butterflies." Ashleigh loved "The Little Mermaid" and quite often per our request mimicked Ariel as she sang Part of Your World on her make believe rock.
At the beginning of "Family Friday" it was suggested to me that it would be neat to post a picture of me with the featured family member. That was a great idea, but I don't have very many pictures of me with individual family members. I am grateful to have this picture with me, Christopher, and Ashleigh; together.Throughout my life I have heard people use the word "heartbroken" countless times. It wasn't until December 12, 1989; more than 31 years into my life that I discovered that the word "heartbroken" or "heartbreak" has very real meaning, and that having a broken heart is a very real physical pain.
It seems that most of the days in our lives begin in a routine manner; that's how it was for me that December morning. I was being a mom and getting my boys out the door to school, getting Ashleigh and myself ready for the day, I had projects to finish for Christmas which was less than two weeks away, and my Christmas party was only five days away. It was my brother's last day of school for the semester and Christopher was coming over to be tended. When Alan returned to pick up Christopher I had no idea that that would be the last time I would see him. Later that afternoon when I received the phone call, I remember seeing the partially filled cup that Christopher had been drinking from just hours earlier sitting on the kitchen counter. I did not know when I woke up that morning, that when I returned to my bed that night that the lives of our family; and most especially Alan and Marivic, would be changed forever.
August 16, 1990 started out as a beautiful summer day. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and I felt great. The previous evening a good friend who is a nurse, expressed concern to me about Ashleigh and suggested that I take her to her pediatrician. Everything seemed fine that morning and I thought to myself, "Ashleigh is okay, I don't need to take her to the Doctor." I was immediately impressed that I must take her to the Doctor. There are a lot of details that go into the events of that day that I won't take the time to share here, but by the time I left St. Benedict's hospital that afternoon, the beauty of the day had been replaced with black clouds and pouring rain. It was as if the heaven's mourned with me as I learned that my precious daughter, my perfect answer to prayer, had a brain tumor. When I went to my bed that night, again the lives of our family; most especially Michael, myself, and our four children had changed forever.
Things to know about Christopher's family: Christopher was the first child in his family, he never had the opportunity to associate with his siblings Tara and AJ as most children do. But they know him and love him and he is still their big brother. As I have been reading Alan and Marivic's 25th anniversary series my heart has been touched as I have read about the sacrifices that Marivic made to come to America; her life has been greatly blessed because she came, but it hurts to think of our Filipina sister enduring the experience that she did without her mama and papa and her siblings by her side. I remember that December twenty years ago, when I looked at Alan it hurt me to think that I would never see my brother smile again. I have seen my brother smile, and I've heard him laugh many times. Alan and Marivic are good people, they are my heroes and I love them.
Christopher's family: Tara, Marivic, Alan, and AJ
Things to know about Ashleigh's family: On the morning of September 17, 1991 Ashleigh returned home to our Heavenly Father. During the previous thirteen months our faith, love, determination, hope... increased as we endured (and I think well) and accepted our Heavenly Father's will for Ashleigh and our family. On March 17, 1993 we were blessed with a gift; Caitlin Rose. We have been blessed with the love and comfort of our three sons. As you look at the expressions on the faces of "her boys" in the picture below; I think we came through it pretty well, and I think Ashleigh would agree.
Ashleigh's family: Jeremy, Emily, Mason, Michael, Lesley, Zachary, Caitlin, Adam, Kristin, William, Andy, Melissa, Avery, and Jeffrey Some things to know about Christopher and Ashleigh: Doctrine & Covenants 137:10. Christopher and Ashleigh are lights to our family. I love them both with all of my heart and soul. I look forward to the day when I will see them again, maybe then I will be the one to say (with a big smile on my face), "I'm here!"
21 comments:
Wow Les! This was an amazing tribute to the two precious angels in our family. They were Russell's best friends. Russell and Christopher used to beat eachother up all the time. I always felt that Christoper won most of the time too. I remember Russell was in the tub one day a few months after Christopher's passing and I noticed a bruise on his back. I said, "hey what happened to your back?" He said, "Christopher did it!" Um... no he didn't. But at that time we actually laughed because he was still too young to grasp the concept that his buddy was really gone. They really were great buddies.
Russell wanted to marry Ashleigh. They were great friends too. Being a little older, I'm sure he knew there was something wrong. I knew he had great compassion for her as well and I know he was sad for his cousin. I used to tell him that Jesus would make her better. Then the morning of her passing I was awakened by the call from Granpa that she was gone. I sat and cried. Russell came in and put his arms around me and said, "It's okay mom. Jesus made her better." Talk about the faith of a child.
Awesome post Les.
I just re-read my post... when we laughed at Russell for saying that, it was because of his pure innocence. As well as the fact that he blamed Christpher for everything. Even though we knew Russell was to blame!
In reading that, for some reason it sounded disrespectful.
What a beautiful post Les. As I read it I smiled and I cried and I smiled again.
I won't ruin this by trying to put all my feelings into words. There are so many things to say and I just can't do it justice.
I do remember when Christopher was born and the slice on his forehead. What I remember most about him is that he was spunky and he used to ask lots of questions. He was a beautiful boy and I miss him. The most difficult part for me was the Christmas party that year. During the singing of Silent night Alan stepped out of the room. It broke my heart to see my little brother in such pain. Alan and Marivic were strong and have grown stronger and I admire and love them both.
The amazing and heart breaking part of Ashleigh's passing for me was watching my big sister take care of her precious child in the remaining months of her life. Ashleigh was a bubbly little girl and reminded me of Les in so many ways. I need to dig out my video of Ashleigh staying at our house and being in the tub with her cousins. There was a lot of laughter and I recall more water on the floor than in the tub.
One Saturday a few weeks before Ashleigh left this life Julee and I stopped by for a visit. We sat and talked with Les in Ashleigh's room. Julee offered for me to hold Ashleigh as Les was tired and had been holding her earlier. I was hesitant at first because I felt a wee bit like I was intruding. I know now that was silly, but those were my thoughts at the time. Les said "sure" and for a few minutes I held Ashleigh for the last time in my life and hers. That memory remains incredibly special to me and kees me strong when I contemplate life after death.
Thank you Les and Mike, Alan and Marivic for sharing your special angels with us. Thank you for your living examples of Love and Faith.
I Love you all.
archie
What a beautiful way to end your Family Friday series. I have heard you speak of both Christopher and Ashleigh several times, and I always admire the faith, devotion and love your family shares.
Very eloquently written-good job!
I was very young when all of this happened and don't have a strong memory. I know how much my parents always told me how I loved "Do Do Do" and then "Wif Wif Wer." I remember panicked yelling, and then relieved laughter when I tried to share a Cheetos with Christopher. I remember clearly when my dad got the call that Christopher was gone and my dad falling apart, trying to hold me but my little girl self was too terrified, knowing something terrible had happened and not knowing why my dad was acting so crazy.
I remember Ashleigh doing a dance to Poor Unfortunate Souls and everyone laughing when she did the "body language" part. I remember how many beautiful toys she used to share with me. I remember my concept of death was such that I knew she would never play with those toys again. I remember seeing her with tubes all through her and asking about them and Andy getting short with me, feeling surprised that Andy would react that way, then later realizing that he was doing it because he was hurting.
I remember growing up feeling like our family loved each other more than other families because with the loss of these two babies we were a little more connected to eternity than the average family.
Mostly I remember after the fact, the testimonies that grew and the desire to be an eternal family increased.
I could never imagine going through such an ordeal but I am grateful for aunts and uncles who teach me about grace by living their lives.
So beautifully written...and made my heart swell...thank you for sharing your comment on my blog about our sweet Sage and leading me to your blog...Thank you Thank you!!!
Thank you for this Lesley. I knew you would do an excellent job with this difficult Family Friday capstone and you did; it’s perfect. I usually think of the day Christopher died from a self-centered perspective, which I hope is forgivable under the circumstances. I appreciate the opportunity to read this post and the comments so far to get the perspective of my loving family members for whom this also was a tragedy. I appreciate our knowledge of the Plan of Salvation but you’ll forgive me, I hope, for calling it a tragedy.
The fact that lightning struck our family twice has always been difficult for me. Ashleigh was such a beautiful and adorable child. I remember how heartsick I felt when about a week or two before Ashleigh passed away I got a call from my sister asking me (for the first time) what she needs to know about funerals. It’s sometimes incomprehensible, and yet part of God’s plan that “death” is part of “life.”
Two quick memories that are special to me:
1. On Thanksgiving Day, a few weeks before Christopher passed away, a bunch of us extended family members went over to the West Bountiful Stake Center to play basketball. It was a little chaotic with so many big people and little people all playing in the gym. Finally, my little son came to me and grabbed on to my leg with one hand while I was shooting free-throws. It wasn’t because he was scared or overwhelmed. He just knew that I was his and he was mine. It made my heart swell with gratitude.
2. I remember as Ashleigh’s diagnosis was in the early stages (the first couple of days) I got off work at KSL and headed up to Primary Children’s where she had undergone a biopsy. I had just missed Lesley and Mike who had been there the whole day, if not overnight, and had run home for an hour or two to freshen up while Ashleigh slept. So for a few minutes I was Ashleigh’s only family member at the hospital. She woke up and got a little fussy so I had the opportunity to hold and comfort my niece on what was surly an unpleasant day for her. She knew it was her Uncle Alan and seemed happy I was there.
I love my whole family, but have to specifically say right now I love you Lesley and Mike and Andy and Jeffrey and Jeremy and Caitlin. And I love you Marivic and Tara and AJ and Mom and Dad.
You have done a fabulous job Les featuring both Christopher and Ashleigh. I too have looked forward to reading this tribute and I am so touched by your words and the comments that have been left.
I had the privilege to watch Christopher many times. I always looked forward to being with him. He was bright and happy and a very easy child to have around. Melissa loved it to since she was the only child at the time and she was so happy to have someone closer to her size to play with.
My favorite memory of spending time with Christopher was when Tim, Melissa, Christopher and I spent a long afternoon at a park in Salt Lake that we call "The Cinderella Park". We spent hours playing in the sand together and it will remain as a magical day in my memory.
Shortly after Sean was born I felt urgency that we should bless Sean as soon as possible. He was just three weeks old when we blessed him and it was the last time I was able to spend with Christopher. I have a picture of Christopher looking at his new cousins. Sean had just come from Heaven and Christopher was preparing to go back.
I remember so well when Ashleigh was born. Both Mike and Les were so thrilled to have a girl and I was so happy for them. I remember Lesley telling me that it hurt her to see mothers that did not appreciate having girls. That they didn't spend the time doing their hair or dressing them in a way that a girl deserved to have that special spot of being a girl.
Ashleigh was a very sweet and kind girl. She was very quick to give a smile and very happy. It was obvious to all that Lesley took very special care to always make sure Ashleigh was well cared for. I too remember Ashleigh's love for "The Little Mermaid". We loved to watch Ashleigh perform while watching the show. I loved when I was able to spend time with Ashleigh and Melissa would cry and cry when we would have to leave their house to go home.
Again, Ashleigh died just two days after Megan was born. I was in the hospital with Sean when Tim told me the news about Christopher and in the hospital with Megan when Tim told me the news about Ashleigh. My heart was broken both times. I was amazed that Lesley came over to our home shortly after we had brought Megan home from the hospital. Lesley gave us comfort that day.
As the years have passed I have learned many great lessons from both of these families. I feel very grateful for the examples and for the knowledge of eternal life and eternal families. I love you all!
I was eleven on December 12, 1989. I remember hearing Mom upstairs, not exactly screaming, but something like screaming. Jeremy said something happened to Christopher because he heard Mom saying his name. Mom and Dad left. I was at home with my brothers. It was probably a little after 5:00 PM. It was getting dark outside.
I felt uneasy, but not panicked. Someone suggested maybe Christopher broke his leg. I thought that was unlikely as Mom's reaction would have been less severe.
Finally, I thought I'd better call somebody. I spoke with Margie first. She wouldn't tell me. I don't remember her exact words, but I have often wondered how I would have reacted had I been in her shoes. Margie did the right thing.
I called Grandma. I remember her saying, "Christopher's died." And I fell apart.
Grandma and Grandpa were at our house within about three minutes of that phone call. They took us to their house. Mom and Dad were there. I remember sitting downstairs with the lights off and the little gas fireplace on. I was calmer, but still crying. Grandpa sat with me awhile, comforting me. Then Dad sat with me for awhile, also comforting me.
Alan and Marivic were upstairs in Grandpa's den. I was so nervous to see them, I didn't know how to act.
There were few lights on in the house. The lights were off in the den. Marivic gave me a big hug. Alan hugged me and told me that we would see Christopher again.
I don't remember much of the day after that. But I thought Alan and Marivic were pretty incredible and Alan's words comforted me.
I was pretty young on December 12, 1989, but old enough to carry some vivid memories of that day. In the past several years, however, as I have become a father to three precious little boys, those memories mean even more to me, and I carry an extra special place in my heart for Alan and Marivic.
The night before Ashleigh died, I remember Mom making a noise similar to the one she made on December 12, 1989. She was sitting between Grandpa and Grandma on the couch upstairs, holding Ashleigh.
In the moments before I woke up on September 17, 1991, I had a dream that I was with Ashleigh and she was walking and talking like she had several months earlier, with no sign of illness. Then I heard a big bell chiming, and Ashleigh was being taken away. She was calling my name. Then I felt Mom nudging me, also calling my name. I woke up. Mom was very calm. She told me my sister had passed away.
One interesting memory I carry from that day is of Alan and Marivic staying with us for awhile, and Alan asking me if I wanted to go outside and throw the football around. Marivic was appalled that Alan would make such a suggestion on such a day. But we went outside and played catch, Marivic watching from the porch, not so opposed as she initially had been. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.
I knew we could all get through it.
I have been to the graves of Christopher and Ashleigh many times over the years. As time wears on, my memories from eleven-years-old and thirteen-years-old have faded. I haven't shed many tears. But this past Memorial Day Dad and Mom and all the kids and grandkids went to visit Christopher and Ashleigh, and I remembered. I remembered the feeling of grief and loss and pain. And I cried for Christopher and Ashleigh for the first time in years. But despite all the heartache I ever felt over my cousin and sister, the feeling I remember most is comfort. Comfort from the family, and comfort from the Holy Ghost.
I wept as I started to read, and as the memories came flooding back I "lost it". So many memories, so many tender moments, so many unfulfilled dreams. Such testimony building. No we did not and would not ask for such experiences but the closeness we share as a family, the knowledge of a loving and tender Heavenly Father, and the knowledge of what is important are blessings garnered.
I love the pictures you chose and labelling them "Christopher's Family" and "Ashleigh's Family" reminds us that they are still with us.
I remember visiting with Alan and Marivic at the hospital while awaiting Christopher's arrival. Such a struggle, and how grateful I was for modern medicine. I remember the day Sean was blessed, as I was putting away toys Christopher came to me and said he wanted a baby sister. I told him he should ask Heavenly Father for a baby. I didn't mean he should go in person. :o) that was just two days befor his passing. I remember Marivic would put his snowsuit on and carry him around like he was nothing but he was almost as big as her, and he had such trust in his Mommy. I remember Vic had such patience with him and nothing was too much trouble in taking care of him. I remember when Tara was born and how we felt Christopher's presence in the labor room, and how when Tara was a few weeks old and for several weeks, everytime we showed her the picture of Christopher she would just look at him and not take her eyes off him, she knew who he was.
I remember visiting at the hospital with Lesley just after Ashleigh was born and Lesley saying, "I got to get out of here, I have a baby girl".
I remember visiting with Ashleigh at the hospital and her saying, "I want to come to your house". Anywhere besides the hospital.
I remember her saying, "What a day"
I remember when Russell was born we laid Ashleigh beside him and as the two babies looked at one another the message from Ashleigh was,"we made it and it is good"
You always took such care of her and did indeed treat her like a girl, and how Ashleigh's "boys" treated her and sang about how beautiful she was. I remember the care you took of her and the realization you had that she was your sister as well as your daughter, and felt blessed to help her with her turn on earth.
How blessed we are, for the knowledge we have.
Families are forever.
I loved this special tribute to my loving cousins Christopher and Ashleigh. I was never able to meet Christopher and I was too young to have any memories of Ashleigh but I love them both dearly.
JuLee says,
Thanks for sharing your beautiful memories & this tribute for Christopher and Ashleigh. I love them both.
Love JuLee
Uncle Tim said.....
When Mom called me and told me that Christopher had passed away I am certain I went into shock. I had been home from work because Margie was with our new baby boy at the hospital. I wanted desperately to hold Melissa but she didn't want anything to do with me (I was falling apart). I quickly arranged for a babysitter and ran up to the hospital. The emergency room nurse was from our ward and I am sure when she saw me coming she realized that I was connected to Alan. Grandma and Alan were in a little room off to the side. I will never ever forget the heartache I felt for my little brother. I just sat next too him and we waited for Marivic to arrive. I remember thinking I will never be happy again, not as long as my brother is not happy.
On September 17, 1991 I was just preparing to leave for the hospital to pick up Margie and our little Megan. The phone rand and Dad was on the other end; he told my our precious Ashleigh was gone. My first thoughts were of my sister; how can she do this?
I am so grateful to Mike and Lesley, Alan and Marivic and for their examples of faith, courage, devotion to God, and love. I am so thankful to my Savior Jesus Christ and for his atonement. Through his atonement I am happy again, in spite of thinking I never would be.
I love Christoper and Ashleigh. They always loved me and wanted to be with me. I am so grateful that we can be together again. I know that God lives and that He loves us. I know that Jesus the Christ has provided a way for us to live eternally as a family. I know that Ashleigh and Christopher are in his care and that they await anxiously the day when we will all be reunited.
To all of my family, Mom and Dad, Lesley and Mike, Archie and Julee, Alan and Marivic, Lilian and Cory, David and Christine, Margie, Melissa, Adam, Sean, and Megan. To all my nieces and nephews and your children; I love you with all of my heart.
To Lesley, may God bless you for this great gift that you have given to us these past months. I am absolutely convinced that the impact family Friday will have on our family will be long lasting and have eternal implications. You, my dear and beloved sister, are a choice daughter of God. I love you beyond my capacity to express. I honor you, I cherish you.
Love to all, Timothy
Grandpa Tim said.....
And, of course, I love my little Hannah. I could never forget her. :)
I am so thankful to Lesley for giving us this opportunity to remember our angels as a family. I know we remember them in our own private and individual moments, but I think that remembering them as a family strengthens me, and reminds me how much I love each and every member of this family, and that love extends to those who came after Christopher and Ashleigh. With each of their births ---great grand children included--- I think of how freshly and recently they just came from associating with their angel cousins, so they are special and my love for them just comes to me naturally despite limitations of time and distance.
So thank you Lesley. I love you.
I have a 2 part comment-and Blogger posted Part 2 but sent Part 1 into Blogger limbo, so I'll try to re-write...I started by saying, how I had been attempting to post a comment since after midnight last night, but my emotions got so overwhelming.
There are no words to express the grief and sorrow that repeatedly overwhelm my heart now and again through the years. But there are also no words to describe the comfort and peace I receive from being a part of a family that stands steadfast in faith, and whose members love one another unconditionally.
I have no doubt that my Christopher left this earth knowing that each and every member of his family loved him: Granpa, Gramma, uncles, aunts and on down to his little cousin. His time on earth was short but it was richly blessed because he spent it with an extended family who made Christopher's earth a reflection of the heaven he came from and the heaven he was called home to. There are no words to describe what comfort that brings to a mother's heart.
People want me to remember that Christopher is one of the great ones that's why he was called back home early. Often I just want to remember him as my little boy--a real boy, a boy who loved life, a boy who knew who he was and didn't mind reminding us. I remember when we scold him for doing something “naughty”, and later on we’d check on him, and say “Hi. Christopher.” He’d fold his arms and frown at us and say, “Don’t Hi me! I’m mad!”:)He sure knew how to tell us to treat him right.
Ashleigh was Christopher’s best friend. He loved and enjoyed all his cousins but Asleigh was special. She was—is—an angel to me. I love Ashleigh very much. Tara and AJ grew up with me telling them as I tucked them into bed at night, that there are 2 angels—Christopher and Asleigh-- watching over them making sure they are safe. They grew up knowing Ashleigh is part of the family.
Ashleigh was heavenly father’s instrument in giving me comfort and reassurance, during what must have been one of Ashleigh’s most painful time on earth. It was after her surgery. I don’t remember now, but Les and Mike must have left the hospital to go check on the boys after hours and hours of being with Ashleigh. Alan who had been holding Ashleigh had to leave too. Ashleigh whimpered and I asked the nurse if I could hold her. She told me it’s best not to move her but I could hold her hand so she would at least know I was there. I remember holding Asleigh’s hands and whispering to her. I remember thinking she was mostly unconscious until she grasped my hand so tightly as if to tell me not to leave her. I sat there whispering to her, telling her how much we all loved her. I told her I think Christopher knows she has an owie and if he is allowed to I’m sure he will be there for her, and if he drops by to make sure to tell him his Mommy said Hi. I remember crying for her and Christopher but there was a reassuring calmness on Ashleigh’s face and I felt peace. It seemed as she pressed my hand that she was comforting me instead of me comforting her. Then Lesley came, and as soon as she spoke, Ashleigh relaxed her hold on my hand. She knew her Mommy was back.
Through the years, in my quiet way, my heart has ached for Les and Mike when I think of Ashleigh. And yet they have been pillars of faith and strength that I have been able to look upon to emulate. Once again, thank you Les for this beautiful tribute and for all that you do for our family.
When I read this post earlier today, I was feeling much too emotional to make a comment, and thought it would be better to wait until later to write, once I felt more calm. But now, reading more of the heartfelt comments from everyone else, I again feel as I did this morning. But I wanted to tell you, Auntie Lesley, that this was a very beautiful post, and I'm very glad that you wrote it, I'm sure it must have been very difficult.
I don't talk about Christopher very much because I don't feel like many people can understand how it is possible to love someone so much and grieve the loss of that person, despite having never even met them. I wish that I had had the chance to have a few memories of him for myself, but regardless, he has always been a very real person to me.
In kindergarten, we were doing a project that involved writing about each member of our family, and it didn't even occur to me not to include Christopher. When my teacher saw the family photograph that I brought in, however, she was a little confused because there were only four people in the picture. When she asked why Christopher wasn't in the picture, I explained that he had passed away, but that he was still my big brother.
I am glad that I did have the chance to spend time with Ashleigh, although I was too young to remember it. I have always heard that she called me "her baby" and it makes me happy to know I had this connection with my big cousin. Whenever we visit their graves, my parents always make sure that we spend time thinking about our cousin Ashleigh.
It breaks my heart thinking about what you and Uncle Mike as well as my parents had to go through. But this post reminded me of how wonderful my whole family is, and how grateful I am to have all of them in my life. This post reminded me that there are people who understand how I feel and who share the same sadness, but also the same love.
I love you and Uncle Mike, my mom and dad, and the rest of the family very much. Thank you again for this post.
I loved Ashleigh and Christopher with all my heart. They were my best friends and, for the longest time, the only cousins that I felt I could get along with. I sometimes wonder what today would be like if they were still here. What fun we would have at the family reunions. The trouble we might have gotten into. Every once in a while, in dreams, I still play with them. I can't wait to see them again. I know I will. We all will. And I know that they are waiting for us patiently. I sometimes wonder if they are here now watching all of us.
Thanks Lesley for a very tender post. And to everyone for their tender comments. Your memories are touching and inspiring. We are glad to learn more about these two precious children. We love you all.
I got home from school on May 13, 1987 and received word from Lilian that Lesley had given birth and it was a girl! I remember saying something like "Thank goodness". (those Leger boys were MONSTERS!!). I am saddened by the fact that I don't seem to have any particular special memories about Christopher and Ashleigh. I love them dearly as I love all of my nephews and nieces. Alan called me on the morning of December 12 to see if I could watch Christopher that afternoon. Alan was going somewhere to do some photography, if I remember correctly. When I got to Alan and Marivic's apartment, Alan said Christopher was napping and should do so the entire time. I just sat watching TV. After a while, I went upstairs to check on Christopher. I slowly opened his door and saw him lying there awake. He said, very clearly, "Hi, David". Then he proceeded, not clearly at all for a 2 1/2 year old, to tell me about his day. He babbled on for a minute and I happily listened. When he was done, I told him to go to sleep and have a nap. When Alan returned I left for home. I hadn't been there for a few minutes when Mom called and told me to get up to Lakeview as soon as possible. She said she was on her way from Salt Lake, but I was closer and needed to be there with my brother. I didn't know what to expect. Christopher had a history of health issues. I made it to the hospital to be with my brother. I will not write about I my experience over the next 20 to 30 minutes at Lakeview Hospital. I think I have shared my account with most of you in person, but the events are too personal to me and those involved to post on the internet. After all these years, on occasion out of the blue, I will openly sob about Christopher and Ashleigh. The shock of Christopher and the hurt of watching Ashleigh slowly deteriorate. I also believe and take great comfort in the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation. Reading other's comments, I wept with sadness as I read their memories and accounts of the children. Then I wept with joy at the knowledge that we will be together again. I mentioned before that I don't have any special particular memories of Ashleigh and Christopher in life, but I do have one of them after their passing. I like to go walking. But I don't like to take the same route. Sometimes I will drive somewhere and park and then walk. On February 7, 2007, I parked at the stake center as you enter Mueller Park and walked on Bountiful Boulevard. As I was approaching the cemetery, I realized it was Christopher's 20th birthday. I decided to visit my family. There was well over a foot of snow on the cemetery. I roughly knew where the graves were and I started pushing snow around to find them. At one point, I found a stone and thought this was it. The name on the stone was "Sory". It was like a giant "scratch and win" game. I had just been told "Sorry".
I, of course, did eventually find both stones. Peace and love to all of you.
Les,
I hesitate to comment, as this is sacred family space. But I want you to know how much it touched my heart. Tears flowed freely as I recalled both "angels" and the memories in my heart. Love you! Mean It!
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